Dairy of a Milkman

Book

Dairy of a Milkman by G.Rimsdale

[Excerpts from a very long diary]

Day 232 - I forgot to make an Offering yesterday morning before my delivery round. Now all the milk is curdled.

Day 245 - That bloody cat! The Comb woman has a cat that is a real terror, so I gave it some milk spiced with a little Go-Easy Potion from Queasy Does It, the apothecary.

Day 246 - I slipped on the Comb woman's front path. Realised it was cat poo. There was like a river of it. Too much potion?

Day 247 - Cat suspects me! Every time I go to that house, it hisses at me. Must keep a low profile.

Day 254 - Kissed Old Betty, the bearded lady. Drowned my guilt with 3 pints of milk.

Day 255 - Threw up all morning, so went to the Apothecary for a cure. Turns out I had drank curdled milk. Yep, forgot my offerings again.

Day 279 - Not much has happened lately, but today saw a rock fall from the sky and break my shed roof.

Day 283 - Curse those Brounies! My prize cows now honk every time I squeeze their udders.

Day 290 - They have replaced all postmen with pigeons. They are faster and cheaper. Our local pigeon is called Robert. I always knew humans would be replaced by Roberts one day.

Day 303 - Considering offering myself to the Goddesses on Rebirth Day so I can finally die and come back as a fungus. Knowing my luck, I'll be a pigeon.