Books

Books can be found around Quill. Pick them up to read them and automatically add to a tab in your inventory for reading anytime. Books are split into Lore, Useful and Nonsense.

Title:Twig's Torn Out Diary Note

ID:0 It's happening, it's happening! Tonight's the night Mr. F said we should meet. I'm a little scared, but I know I shouldn't be scared, 'cos what's there to be frightened of anyway? All the dreams said it would turn out all right, and I believe Mr.F when he said I can be the best, best, best fisherman in all of Quill. Still, he is a Fel Fae, and they say you can't trust them. That they're tricksters and shapeshifters and bad things happen when you talk to them. But that's just stories to scare kids straight, and Twig ain't a kid anymore. I'm all grown up! Even grown-ups get scared going into old mines, though. Got the key and the lantern ready but might have to take a few swigs of starshine before I go in. Just in case I never make it back, I want to ask whoever finds this to give my belongings as an Offering to the Goddesses.

Tell them I didn't mean to do anything bad. Oh, and tell them not to bring me back as a moth as I hate bright light.

Title:The Banshee: A Song in the Dark - by O.Bugger

ID:1

Darkness crawls across the land. The midnight hour is close at hand. Creatures crawl in search of blood. To terrorise your neighbour's wood.

An ancient scholar, Jack Sun of Nevereverland, once wrote a ballad with those thrilling words. He was obviously warning of the Banshee. The Keening Lady. The Beantsihde. The Cyhyraithe. She of the voice that freezes the heart of the hearer. She whose shrill song pierces crystal and reduces bone to dust. Sightings of the Banshee are rare, but they do happen to those who stepped into Toughwood and slept in what they thought was the relative safety of the ruins of Cronwell Keep. In an excerpt from the diary of the adventurer, Ma Shetty, the Banshee is described thus... "As the blood moon sat, like a giant bloodshot eye behind the crooked black tower, the wind suddenly rose in noise and fever. As I huddled against the broken wall, pulling my cape closer to me against the ethereal maelstrom, I heard a cry from below the Keep. I adjusted my eyes against the dark, saw a faint glow passing the crumbling arched windows, and heard a haunting song. A voice, dreamlike and distant, lamenting the moon and filled with regret and sorrow. A voice grasped at my soul and burrowed into my mind like a worm. I did not see the singer, as I had screamed and ran from that place. I ran until my lungs burst, and Toughwood was long behind me.

The song never left my head until this day, and as I write, I look up at the moon and play with the tip of my knife, wondering if I can burrow into my mind too."

Title:Woof Justice: A Guide to Dog Ownership PART ONE - by Kane Hines

ID:2

INTRODUCTION. Hello, I am Kane Hines. Nice to meet you. End of introduction.

Dogs. What Are They?

Well, they are four-legged animals. They are NOT people and NOT some sort of fruit or small vegetable. Dogs need boundaries, and I mean more than just a fence. A dog is an extension of your arm. They are your shield. Your sword. Your intruder alarm. Your pie detector. Use a dog as a living tool to carry out your commands, and you will find much satisfaction from owning one.

Dogs have a keen sense of smell, and this is because tiny Faeries, called He-mangoblins, live inside the blood tubes in their noses. Dogs have brittle nose bones, and the strong He-mangoblins stop the Skeltor bone from breaking and entering the Grey skull of the dog.

Title:Woof Justice: A Guide to Dog Ownership PART TWO - by Kane Hines

ID:3

Dig Dog

Get a dog to Follow you, and when you are near something hidden under the ground, they will give a distinctive WOOF WOOF, which, if we could speak Doggish, would translate to "Here is the spot you must use your shovel master." This is not to be confused with WOOF, which translates as, "I like everything." Or WOOF WOOF WOOF, which translates as "I am in a heightened sense of excitement right now."

A dog will also produce a BARK, when near objects of interest that are not buried beneath the ground. A dog will only say BARK BARK if excitedly answering questions about what that brown stuff is on trees.

Title:Woof Justice: A Guide to Dog Ownership PART THREE - by Kane Hines

ID:4

Keeping Your Dog From Death And Melancholy

Feeding dogs is relatively simple. Dogs love meat. Dogs like bones. Dogs hate peanuts. In fact, nobody knows what peanuts are in Quill. Ancient texts tell of walking and talking dogs who eat enormous sandwiches while fighting deadly spirits, but these are just Shaggy tales. Keep your dog faithful and happy with regular play. Throwing a small spherical object seems to please them greatly. Dogs also enjoy walks and having their heads hit gently in a patting motion.

This is called 'Head Clapping'.

Title:Woof Justice: A Guide to Dog Ownership PART FOUR - by Kane Hines

ID:5

Dog Enemies

A dog has many enemies in the natural world, although only those found in the Dark Forests will actually eat a dog. Sometimes they will cook the dog, and this is called a Hot Dog. A dog will protect its master from danger by leaping and barking at the enemy, scaring them into not attacking.

When your dog dies of old age, please remember that it will be absorbed into the cycle of life and likely come back to visit you as a small newt or buttercup. Although you may need to visit the buttercup as they have no legs.

Title:Woof Justice: A Guide to Dog Ownership PART FIVE - by Kane Hines ID:6

Naming Your Dog

You can give your dog any number of names to call it by upon the birth of a new dog, called a Puppy. My research uncovered many names such as Rex, Rover, Oi, Mutt, Stinks!, Bugger Off, and Charlesworth Forningtrude the 3rd. To name your dog, simply feed it a Naming Nut, an item that can be found here and there around the land. Some say the Nuts are of Fae origin. Remember, this name is for life, so do not make a typographical error like I once did and call the dog Shartscent.

SUMMARY Yes, it is very Summary outside now, but soon it will be Autumn.

Please enjoy other books in this series...

Cat O Nine Tales - 9 stories about cats and the letter O We Got Beef - A History of Cow Feuds Sitting On Your Nuts - A Guide to Protecting yourself from Squirrels

Revenge Salad - A Dish Best Served Cold

Title:Clear as Folk - by Beryl O'Laffs

ID:7

It is a truth locally acknowledged that there is no place more peaceful, tranquil, and lush than Quill, nor people as friendly, helpful, and oblivious as Quillians. And if you want to live a full life, avoiding the pitfalls others have fallen into in the past, you ought to listen to the wisdom of these honest folk. Wherever you go in this fair land, you will come across vital pieces of knowledge scrawled on bits of weatherproof paper left behind by some generous soul. Whether they're about how to abide by laws and customs, make the best of nature's bounty, or face some of the dark perils that lurk beneath the surface, you're sure to find them all helpful. Well, most of them. Of course, some knowledge isn't written on any scrap or tome, and you'll only find it on the tongues of people you meet. Not literally, of course. But become friendly enough with such sages, and those tongues are bound to loosen. Be sure to collect each saying in your journal, so you can refer to it often. And there's much you can learn yourself from things you find in the world if you study them carefully, whether bird, beast, flower or anything else.

So go out, learn, and explore. As the old proverb says: "You can't lead a horse to water because they're extinct."

Title:Laws of the Land of Quill Part One - by Judy Judge

ID:8

Our laws are the laws of nature, which is why it is the most natural thing in the world for us to follow them. Still, we must answer to the Goddesses in the end, and it is their enlightenment and guidance which keeps us from straying from the Path and into darkness. While these laws are ingrained in our hearts and minds, here is a reminder for anyone who's recently banged their head and forgotten and for any visitor from a distant land.

Above all else, there shall be NO MURDER. A Quillian's PROPERTY is their own, and NONE SHALL TAKE IT WITHOUT PERMISSION. Unless they are books, because reasons. The bounties of nature are finite, so A FAMILY MAY HAVE NO MORE THAN THREE CHILDREN. (Exceptions may be made for those living in a size 100 shoe.) It goes without saying but ALWAYS SHOW RESPECT FOR THE GODDESSES. To avoid any messy accidents and keep the age rating down, ALL BABIES MUST BE DELIVERED BY STORK. The right day to make an OFFERING is on GODDESS DAY. These are days 7 and 14. All DARK CREATURES of Quill MUST KEEP TO THEIR SHADOWS. For your own good, you must NEVER BUILD IN THE DARKER CORNERS OF THE WORLD.

NONE SHALL MARRY BELOW THE AGE OF 18, and don't you try and elope.

Title:Wandering Folk - by Jilly Tott

ID:9

Quillians live in peaceful ignorance of the Fae influences around them. We KNOW they exist and pay our homage to them, but we are still obscured by reality. Take the wandering folk who come to our shops and drink in our taverns. They all look alike, and you can't really remember much about them when they leave. The Fae are obviously coming into our villages and absorbing our culture. What's more, everywhere you look, if you look closely enough, you can see what might be Fae pathways into our world. Those weird gnarly bushes that look alike? The henges and symbols? Even trees with faces. The Fae walk among us at will, and while they do no harm, you can't help but feel suffocated by their presence. As for the Brounies, their mischief is more obvious to see. We can hear the giggling and see the tidy houses or rotten apples, but we take it as part of life.

And if I wake up and put my feet into a warm apple pie again, I swear I will leave mousetraps in their bowls!

Title:An Ode to Druida - by P. Nutt

ID:10

Oh, Goddess fair, of apple scent hair, Oh, beauteous Fae deity, of deep joy and gaiety, Oh, how the orchards whisper your name, Oh, how they tell of your grace and your fame.

Your Appleseed tastes ever so sweet, Oh, Druida, whose fruit does fall at her feet, She, with a smile from branch to strong bough, Laughing 'mongst willow and silent old plough, Oh, beauteous Goddess with blossom soft hand,

Fulfil our rich orchards and bless our fair land.

Title:You Bunch of Tools - by Hugh Tilly-Tea

ID:11

Tools! Glorious tools! Did you know that using tools successfully levels them up? Yes, even the humble slingshot can become so powerful, that it knocks downmultiple high quality apples from trees and juicy berries from bushes. Got a sickle? They aren't just for crops you know? Wildflowers and even dandelions will increase the potency of your grass killer. Shovel? Fishing Rod? Pickaxe? Go at it! You can gain all sorts of little perks from extra yield chance to range to quality.

Now grab your tools and get levelling!

Title:READ THIS IF YOU DO NOT READ - by Maple Stirrup

ID:12

Many people go through life never stopping to actually care about the words in books. They do not notice the mistakes or heed the advice. These people do not know you can press <run> to run. They didn't know you can hold <status> to read signposts. There is an Default Speed setting in the Options, you know?! You can plant seeds on soil patches. There's a world map and a local map if you take the time to look. Animals will Follow you if you use that command. Don't complain! Ask them to stop following with the right option on the interaction menu! Did you also realise you can hold down buttons on a gamepad to bring up radial menus, then move the Left Stick up and down to change categories? Life is sooo much simpler if you read!

Saying that the other day I did not read the label on a potion I bought, and now my husband is 12 inches tall.

Title:The Right Angle - by Rod Puller

ID:13

Fishing is a science. Except science does not exist anymore. So fishing is not like science at all then. Just cast your rod and try to hit the shadows with your hook. If you miss, a little rippling action might persuade one to come a-nibbling but don't ripple when one is too near, or you will scare them away. Some advanced fishermen know a few tricks that can make you a wizard with a rod. Except wizards do not exist, and I simply made that word up as it sounded magical. And lastly, do not forget to adhere to the Proverbs. Some fish like rain, some moonlight, some summer, and many will even flock to food if you have the correct skill. Hope these tips were helpful. I don't like fishing myself; I just like writing tips books about fishing. Other books by this author include... - Carpe Diem - Breaking The Goldfish Code - The Doctor Who Fishes - (with foreword by Patrick Trouton) - Sharks! Just What Are They? And What Is The Sea?

- Five Star Fish - Quality or Quantity?

Title:Tir Na Nog: The Fae Realms Vol I - by Amos E Wall

ID:14 Tir Na Nog is the first of the Fae realms and home to the PureKyn. They say it is a land of pulsing roots, twisting trees, oversized flowers and glowing pools of sweet water. It is a land of laughter, nectar, good cheer, and colour. The fair folk that live there flit and twirl and dash amongst the strange flora and make merry pranks as they chitter and fritter and flatter and fly. They say any man who steps into that realm and bathes in the azure waters has his heart refreshed and his love renewed. They say it never rains there, which is probably good as many PureKyn homes are made of Gingerbread (this is not confirmed). The sign of Tir Na Nog is 3 circles together. Some say these represent the 3 tenets of PureKyn...Love, Laughter and Shopping. A wise scholar (my mum) thinks they represent the binding of the realms; Tir Na Nog, the human realm, known as Y'stor and the home of the Goddesses, Opal. How does one reach such a fantastical place? They say there are doorways in the human realm that need a magical light shone upon them. There are said to be 4 Fae realms, and each has their own stone doorway, standing silently in a circle.

Tread up the centre of that circle, and they call to you...

Title:A Plea - by Bernie Cake

ID:15

The good folk of the Vale allowed the miners of Deepstone to work our tin mines. Yet even those experienced men and women were too scared once the knocking started, and they left. Now it is just the Knockers and me. I stay here trying to mine the ore as my family needs the Brass. I hear them even now, making their infernal sounds. There is a creeping dread that I am being watched, and sometimes feel a presence behind me and dare not turn around. As I write, the knocking grows louder, and the presence looms large behind me. I know that if I turn around, I might be staring straight at a pair of big Knockers, or worse.

If you find these notes, please tell my wife, PATTY.

Title:Smiths Don't Have to be Depressing - by Anne Ville

ID:16

Welcome Blacksmith! If you are reading this, you will likely have purchased your own Smithy. Hours of hot toil, bending the elements to your will, lay ahead. Smithing is a smoky art. It is a labour of love, sweat and giving things a good old hammering. I have forged this book to help you out on the journey into the world of iron and muscle. Well, I have written it. To begin, the basics. There are multiple types of ore you can mine. Use these combined with a mould to create your works. Customers will come into your shop and either ask for something off your shelves or request orders. Some customers are more patient than others, so if you need more time, just yell at them from the forge...they will understand. When you finish crafting an item, you can send it to the shelf or your order cabinet. It is recommended that 2 people run a smithy...one for the shop and one for the forge. Someone charming is better-placed selling, and someone strong and accurate is a better fit for the crafting. Do not forget to use your Ledger to set opening hours, check accounts, hire and fire and gain perks. Also, use the stock cupboard to check inventory and order stock.

And at the end of the day, do not forget to interact with the sign to close up!

Title:Opal: City of Deities - by Evan Lee Angel

ID:18

Like the gemstone after which mortals named her, the city of Opal is iridescent, vibrant and wondrous. At least, that's what artists and storytellers have imagined when painting and describing this divine realm glimmering beyond the distant mountains of the north. It is said there was a time when mortals were given the opportunity to enter the city's gates and live there eternally by the side of the Goddesses. Those who wished to have their skill and reputation judged would stand before the Mirryr and state their case.

If proved worthy, that person would step through the Mirryr, and eternal pleasures would be their prize.

Title:The Pig Riders of Rohan - Dick Ham

ID:19

A young farmhand named Rowan Boats found a piglet floating in the weeds while he was hiding from his tasks. He tended to the little pink ball of ham, which grew until it was big enough to ride. The pig, which Rowan named Lightning, ran faster than any known hog. Rowan entered many pig races and won easily every time. However, one day, the pig had piglets, 11 of them. Rowan gave them to the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe and went on his way. Two years passed and as Rowan rode into the hamlet of Nettleprick, he heard rumbling on the horizon. However, twas not a storm but the piglets. The piglets chased after their mother, whom Rowan tried to ride away on to avoid being crushed by the stampede.

To this day, the chase continues. You can see the flash of lightning, and then hear the thunder of the chasing piglets as they eternally pursue their mother.

Title:Paganism: A Great Sacrifice - by Bernie Mann

ID:20

As small as dust motes we may be in the luminescent eyes of the Goddesses, yet still do they listen, still do they reach out a hand to accept our gifts. Our offerings are not mere tributes - they are our messages to them. And, as such, it would be wise of us to take great care in what we say, for each divinity can be as easily offended as they are pleased. As people of the Vale well know, for example, Druida, Goddess of Orchards, desires the sweetness of the fruit grown from a tree yet despises the taste of flesh. So compose your offering with full thought of how its message shall be received. Of course, the greatest offering of all is the one made on the First Goddess day every ten years, when a living messenger must be presented at the appointed place. In the Vale, this is on the Festival Green, inside the magnificent Woodfellow. A selected villager takes the role of Herald and becomes King or Queen for a day, using the ancient terms.

This is a moment of celebration, for they are about to embark on the most incredible adventure afforded to any Quillian. May you be blessed with this honour one day, too, on Summertide.

Title:Druida: Goddess of Orchards - by Mae Poll

ID:21

All of the Vale worship Druida, Goddess of Orchards. She is revered as a gentle soul, full of laughter and very fair of face. Offerings to her may bless the worshipper with juicy apples and pears and sweeter berries. Offend this usually calm Fae Lady; you can expect worms in your fruit, sour pears, curdled milk, and even blight. It is worth speaking to local folk to find out what offerings she prefers.

It is widely known she has an aversion to meat and fish, so be careful!

Title:Brounies are not Cookies - by Pa Baker

ID:22

The Brounie. Brownie. Brunaidh, Uruisg, or Gruagach. Ancient texts have many names for these most enigmatic and mysterious of Fae folk. It is said a Brounie resembles a small hooded man with a large nose and wrinkly skin. It's eyes are large and blue, and its fingers long and slender. Brounies love to aid in tasks around the house or orchards when given little offerings of food which the folk of Quill leave in large copper or clay bowls outside their homes. Brounies do not like to be seen by normal humans but may show themselves to special ones. If no offering is given, then Brounies can show a bad temper and cause trouble, so it is best to put something in your bowl daily. If the bowl is red, you are jinxed! There are 6 types of jinx and they stack daily, so making an offering will reduce that jinx tier by one.

So don't forget to offer, or get your spouse and kids to do it for you.

Title:I.P Everywhere - by Uri Nepot

ID:23

I.P in the bushes. I.P in the tree, I.P in the woodland. I.P all on me, I.P in the fountain and in the old dark well, I.P in the valley. I.P in the dell. I.P when it's dark and I.P for a dare,

Intellectual Property...it's everywhere!

Title:Cat Care for Beginners - by Alice Comb

ID:24

Oh my Goddess! I absolutely love cats! They are fluffy and cute and bouncy and have spangly eyes and cute wittle noses. Contrary to ancient belief, Quillian cats love milk! They like being stroked and can be tamed very well and will follow you around if they really, really like you. They say cats can also sense the dead and see spirits. My little Stephen can. Stephen Pawkins I call him. He is the cleverest cat and will HISS when ghosts are present. It scared me the other day when he hissed at the milk delivery man, who must have a ghost behind him, as Stephen hisses at that man every time he visits. They say cats have another skill but sadly, not my cat. When he is not chasing fish being dragged around, he is either asleep or worrying the chickens.

That's all you need to know, so make sure you treat your cat well, or I will come around to your house with Mr Pawkins and not only will I be very very cross, but I will also beat the living **** out of you.

Title:The Vale Gardener's Friend - by Marshtyt the Master Gardener

ID:25

I have got green fingers! No, I have not been picking my nose, but I have in fact, been poking my little rose in the garden shed. I love the smell, the texture and the lovely pink petals of a fragrant carnation. It is a sheer joy to create beautiful hanging gardens and tend to them with your tools.

I have mastered gardening over many years, so I have very polished tips for helping you grow and germinate.

Wheat requires no watering. Once it has grown, get out your chopper and beat it down.

Carrots, Cabbage and Wheat have a 3-day growth cycle. I can't think of anything rude for that.

Apples, Gooseberries and Pears have a 2-day cycle. A bicycle, as it were. Not that I know what one of those is.

Tomatoes have a 3-day growth cycle and do not need watering. Collect them from the trellis. Make sure they are nice and firm by giving them a good squeeze. Then check your tomatoes.

Carrots and Cabbage need watering daily, so give them a good squirt and make them nice and wet.

The use of fertiliser will really help create bigger, hardier plants, so grab your wooden bucket and hold your nose.

Now grab your trowel, clear your mind of innuendos and get gardening, you dirty Pucks!

Title:Dairy of a Milkman - by G.Rimsdale

ID:26

[Excerpts from a very long diary] Day 232 - I forgot to make an Offering yesterday morning before my delivery round. Now all the milk is curdled. Day 245 - That bloody cat! The Comb woman has a cat that is a real terror, so I gave it some milk spiced with a little Go-Easy Potion from Sipp & Winters. Day 246 - I slipped on the Comb woman's front path. Realised it was cat poo. There was like a river of it. Too much potion? Day 247 - Cat suspects me! Every time I go to that house, it hisses at me. Must keep a low profile. Day 254 - Slept with Old Betty, the bearded lady. Drowned my guilt with 3 pints of milk. Day 255 - Threw up all morning, so went to the Apothecary for a cure. Turns out I had drank curdled milk. Yep, forgot my offerings again. Day 279 - Not much has happened lately but today saw Juliet Alpha having it away with Romeo Bravo in the hay behind her husband's garden shed. Day 283 - Curse those Brounies! I forgot my offerings and my prize cows now honk every time I squeeze their udders.

Day 303 - Considering offering myself to the Goddesses on Rebirth Day so I can finally die and come back as a fungus.

Title:Pointless Collectible or Great Design: A Guide to Catching Insects - by B.Keeper

ID:27

Let's talk about insects! There are 5 types of collectable flappy small creatures...Bees, Fireflies, Wisps, Moths and Butterflies. Some only appear at night, some gather by light, and different types can be found in different regions. Got to catch all of them in some sort of collection! (Hmmm must think of a catchier phrase for that).

There's actually not that much point to such a collection, unless sometime in the future someone creates a dye-making machine.

Title:Dangerous or Funny? - by Dan Tedium

ID:28

I had a dream the other night I was being watched by thousands of people in the sky. They had books for faces and were twitching uncontrollably. "You! Hold this Tube!" shouted one. Another called out, "Put it in the mixer, master Don!" Other minions were off to the side, chatting and chittering endlessly. "Reddit" burped a passing frog. I woke with a game jolt and had an itchio head. I felt an epic discord within my soul, and I felt so aGog, that I decided I must leave. I left my home and headed north.

As I left The Vale, the voices faded, and I was left alone with just the sweet twitter of the birds and the smell of musk in the air...

Title:Goddess Statues for Village Idiots - by Neal Downe

ID:29

Ancient texts tell of when, shortly after The Agreement, the Fae built statues all over Quill so that mankind could honour their protectors. Each statue represented all six Goddesses to simplify worship and show unity amongst the Fae deities. The primary use of the statues is to make weekly offerings to each Goddess to gain their Favour on Goddess Day. Every offering has a value to each Goddess, and they may like or dislike what is given. Each boon or curse lasts until the next Goddess Day. It is said that the statues have another purpose and that if a simple offering is offered, then by crawling into the hole in the base, one will become dizzy and appear in another part of the Haven. Making an offering of an apple is enough to facilitate this kind of travel.

Many Quillians do not bother with this kind of travel, possibly because they can't fit in the hole or don't like wasting apples.

Title:The Hoe of Legend - by R.Swiper

ID:30

It was an Autumn day, long ago. As the Harvest Moon faded, Master Blacksmith Horace stepped outside his front door and gazed at the verdant skies above the sun haven. He spied a spark of light that flew into his valley and created a large hole in the ground. Upon investigation, he found a shining gem, which he named the Dew Star. He took it as a gift from the Goddesses, and so he decided to forge a hoe called the Ultima in their honour. He took it to the Rune Factory to get a special stone made for it. Runestone, Hearthstone, Stoneshard, Stonehearth, whatever. When it was completed, it was very bejewelled. As he walked home, he passed the graveyard keeper. He was moonlighting as a nowhere prophet on a shrouded isle somewhere under sunless skies, down a well and probably under a tale, the way this is going.

And that, dear readers, is just the tip of a reference iceberg.

Title:Naida: Goddess of Fertility - by Mae Poll

ID:31

Have you ever wondered why the people of Summerdown are such cheery, gregarious folk? Well, it's pretty obvious when you think about it. They worship Naida! Wait, I hear you ask. Isn't she the Goddess of Fertility or something? What's so bleeding cheerful about that? Well, perhaps you should pick up a book sometime, you might learn something? Oh right, that's why you picked up this book! Well, allow me to educate. You may have seen representations of Naida's rounded figure, with a face that is red of cheek and wide of smile. But that doesn't quite capture the joy, the love of pleasure and laughter, that makes her the jolliest of all divinities. Still, fertility is very much what she's about, which is why offerings made to her will result in stronger offspring. On the other hand, displeasing her can result in weak children, the barrenness of seed, and limpness of loin.

So be sure to make offerings that bring pleasure, happiness and girth; you, too, can be as chipper as a Summerdowner!

Title:Creatures of the Forest: Hobs, Lobs and Nobs - by Wendy Go

ID:32

If you go down to the woods today, you are sure of a big surprise. If you go down in the woods today You'd better go in disguise!

For every Hob that ever there was Will gather there for certain because Today's the day the Small Ones have their picnic.

Picnic time for Hobs and Lobs The little folk are having a lovely time today. Watch them, catch them unawares And slay them quick before they get away.

See them hiding in the shrubs Sharpening knives, they never have any cares. At six o'clock, the big bad Nobs Will waken from their beds And try to tear you all to bits.

Every child who's ever been bad And cursed to roam the deeps Filling globes with noxious gas And stabbing fools in their sleeps. Beneath the trees where nobody sees They'll hide and seek as long as they please

'Cause, that's the way the Small Ones have their picnic.

Title:Croakers: Toads in the Whole - by Simon Bellbottoms

ID:33

Ribbit. Ribbit ribbit. No, this is not me pronouncing rabbit in a posh voice. It is the noise you hear in the marshy murk of Midwood. Watch for long, sticky tongues darting at you from the shadows. Keep an eye above you for leaping amphibian horrors. Watch your step so that you do not tread in something that you will regret. The Croakers of Midwood are easy enough to handle alone, but their combinations can be sudden death to the unwary.

And whatever you do, don't dress as a big juicy fly!

Title:The Four Shrines - by Arthur Sixpence

ID:34

Throughout Quill are four shrines.

The end.

Oh! Do you want more? Well, each shrine is dedicated to one of the four seasons.

More? What do you think I am? An author?

So we have the Spring Shrine, Summer Shrine, Autumn Shrine and Winter Shrine. Each shrine only opens in its corresponding season.

Oh, you have to be joking?! More writing required? I am not made of quills!

Within the hallowed walls are said to be six pillars, each representing our beloved Goddesses, Druida, Naida, Morvenna, Hyalis, Aurore and Freyl. It is also said that each pillar hosts challenges laid down by the Goddesses for some unknown purpose. The champion of these challenges would surely gain great reward, though not many have the skill to try. And most people are just lazy, probably.

Can I go nap now?

Title:Cooking Brilliant! - by Gordon Bleugh

ID:35

• • • • • • • recipes are ******* brilliant! Follow a ******** recipe, and you can gain all sorts of **** hot effects.

One can increase their speed, making them ******* faster than a hare! How about extra strength for throwing or hitting ***** in the face? Want to see in the dark? Cook a ******* carrot-based recipe and the night clears like a ****. Pies and cakes can be baked in brick kilns, and you can stick any old **** in a pie, and it will likely taste great! One thing to remember, though, you *****, is that ingredients have Traits, so watch what you are cooking unless you want to **** like a Dragon. Another thing to know when cooking or baking is to watch the ******* temperature. Too hot and the **** spoils, or too much rise and the ****** pops.

Now get cooking, you *****!

Title:Things that go bump in your tights - by Quincey Sensual

ID:36

Since the dawn of Dawn, humanity has sought to reproduce for the survival of the species and for recreation and let's face it, that's the fun one. In olden times, a man would climb volcanoes and wrestle giant lizards in order to prove his worth. As time ticked by, the male became more polite and would climb mountains and wrestle lions to prove his love for his lady. More time passed, and the woman now took command with her new freedoms, and men were left to compete in gladiatorial arenas on a thing called Television. After the catastrophes that befell mankind, the basic survival needs resurfaced. Thankfully, these days it's a much simpler process for much simpler folk. All you have to do is be married, then make a gift of a rabbit corndoll to your beloved spouse. The Wheel of Delight will then begin! If the Goddesses like what they see, a stork will deliver your baby in one week! Or babies if you are doubly blessed!

Why did humans never use this system from the start? It would have saved a lot of innocent pickles from being devoured by hungry pregnant females!

Title:Ashes From the Remnant - by Shirley Access

ID:37

Long before the Fae came back into the world, man was sowing his own demise. As civilisations crumbled and new powers arose in an ongoing cycle, strange and dangerous groups appeared, each with their own agendas. Some wandered the wastelands and fought over milk. Some hid underground or underwater and tried to create totalitarian societies. Others attempted to build cities in the sky, but these were stupidly heavy and fell down. When the Fae finally appeared, a new group formed in protest at these ungodly creatures and launched their attacks from their deep caves. They called themselves the New New Order after it was pointed out by Fred Duranduran that there had already been a New Order. They dressed in brown tunics with yellow hoods and harkened back to the ancient Crusaders. Their Order would restore honour among mankind and remove this blasphemous horde from the world. Unfortunately, the caves they hid in were home to the Night Hags, and these deadly witches cursed these intruders to serve them eternally. Now the Order are undead knights, bound to walk the caves and forests as servants to the Dark Fae forces.

Remnants of mankind's last resistance.

Title:Briar: The Fae Realms Vol III: - by Amos E Wall

ID:38

Briar. The Realm of the Fel Fae. Cold, lonely, bitter, yet eerily beautiful. The quiet snowy lanes, lit by arcane blood candles, are edged by silent hedgerows. Twisted trees hide warrens and foxholes in their unseen depths. The Fel, Hare and Fox-headed shapeshifters dwell in their lairs, hatching their plans and creating mischief. A love of pranks is their thrill, or gambling, or drinking of fine brews. They rarely socialise, but when they do, they meet at The Crossroads, a ramshackle inn with a bird-headed barkeep. Briar is a disturbing land, and the eye can often be tricked into seeing tortured souls and spectral figures in the snow, but then they are gone.

It is a sad, sad place, but in their warm, well-lit burrows, one can only imagine the goings-on to pass the endless time.

Title:Legendary Monsters - by Simon Bellbottoms

ID:39

The Dark Forests of Quill are no place for the faint of heart. We all know about the Hobs, Lobs and Nobs. We tremble at the stories of wicked Hags, ancient dead and dangerous fluttering Nymphs. Yet, nightmares are made from the tales of the legendary monsters that dwell in the spaces between worlds. Children cower when parents tell them of the Buggane, a fearsome monster said to be 12 feet tall with skin like iron. Many a night around the fire brings hushed whispers of huge monsters in the far north, with breath of fire. Some nights, one might hear the distant wailing of the Banshee as she wanders rotting ruins searching for lost souls to harvest. Nobody has seen these monsters and lived, save for the one they call Jogon, Master of Combat, and he still bears the scars of his narrow escape at foul talons. So beware, dear reader! Beware the moon. Beware the fetid midnight ponds and pitch, timeless caves. Beware the depths of untrodden swamps and the blood moon shining on secret glades.

For darkness treads there, and the only thing that can save you is death itself.

Title:Bumper Book of Brotherly Chuckles - by Chief Kegwin

ID:40

A lady killed by her own clothes was a fashion victim. Did you hear about the compost tycoon? He was filthy rich. I keep a ruler in my pocket for good measure. Scented candles get on my wick. I found a missing limb at the foot of our stairs. They say a good invisible man is hard to find. I had a hobby horse. He loved board games, sewing and collecting butterflies. The best quality gunpowder you can't hold a candle to. I was going to open the world's smallest tavern. Well, that was my inn-tent. Do tree-men have woodpeckers? I gave my friend a boomerang as a gift with the message 'Many Happy Returns' on it. Ground beef. Shredded pork. Sorry I am just mincing my words. At the new pet protection home, there isn't room to swing a cat. I dream of filled pastry in the clouds, but it is just pie in the sky. A highwayman said, "stand and deliver", so I stood up and took my liver out.

I made a bird out of cowpats. It was a stool pigeon.

Are runner beans the best fast food?

Title:A Bowl of Customs - by Billy Getdown

ID:41

The land of Quill is steeped in superstition and quirky customs. From maypole dances and fartfests to cheese rolling and the underpants frenzy, many local events take place at certain times during the year. Did you know that in the village of Copperpot, they burn giant purple candles to keep Daddy Long Legs at bay? A cast of bizarre, benevolent and malevolent characters turn up within a certain season and carry out their traditions, whether that be to spew out candies when hit with a slingshot, hypnotic dances and chewing off of any face that has not been smeared with herbs. Fred Barleycorn, Mag the Moghog, Bean Baghe, Tickling Tom Hookfingers and Shuffling Nana, among others, both amuse and terrify in equal measure. So be sure to determine when these appearances occur and take appropriate action. Wear your charms, bring your lantern, light candles, and scatter gooseberries around your home. Quill is a land full of colour, life, danger and intrigue.

Learn its ways, lest you offend the spirits, or worse still, get your head ripped off.

Title:Conception Art: Woods in the woods - by Ivy Heff

ID:42

What is creation? Who created us? What does it mean to be created and then create creations that create creations that create creations? These questions have been asked since time immemorial, although maybe not quite like that. In the world we call Quill, conception is enhanced by mating at certain pools or glades. Maybe an ancient tree that radiates power. Perhaps in a junkyard, at midnight. The energies of creation ebb and flow around these special places, so what might be good fun at dawn may not yield a fertile seed. However, hit that same magical spot at dusk, and the chances may be increased. It is best to learn the best times and locations from locals, who will have flattened a bit of grass in their time. It also helps to chew on certain foods, or partake of special virility potions, although I heard of a man who couldn't swallow a performance-enhancing herb and got a stiff neck. Naida, the Goddess of Fertility, is also a good source of help when you feel the need, feel the need to seed.

Making offerings to her or worshipping at her fertility statues is sure to aid in gaining the gift of creation.

Title:Ceremony of Passing - by L.Razor

ID:43

We all know death is nothing to be afraid of. It is merely a new beginning, a passing from one form to another, and an opportunity to experience life in a whole new way. It is strange to consider there was a time when such obvious pagan truths were forgotten, and people feared dying. We know this because of records and relics unearthed from a Before Time. Just think of the obscene rituals practised when old shells were buried in wooden boxes below the ground, stifling their souls with earth! Could they possibly have forgotten the wholly natural process by which a person's shell is submerged in purifying waters, allowing their life energy to be released and renewed? As the shell is reclaimed by the Fae realms, the soul flies freely through branch and leaf, sky and cloud, until it finds a new home. What form our new shell takes is determined by the life we have led, so that those of us with a sweet nature might return as honeysuckle or strawberry bush, and those of us with a playful spirit might become a hare or a butterfly. Those driven by strong ethics might live on in the form of an ant or a bee.

There can be no more beautiful fate than to be part of this perfect process of growth and renewal, where the old feeds the new, and the gone replenishes the present. So be not scared, and be not troubled. You will see your loved ones again, breathing new life into the world in infinite ways. And you, too, will join the great dance of Nature one day.

Title:What the Fachen?! - by Simon Bellbottoms

ID:44

Have you ever played Hopscotch against a Fachen? No? They are too good at it. Not only are they the premier hoppers of any dark forest, but they also hit anybody they think will beat them with their big nasty clubs. These bizarre creatures bound and bounce around as though made from some sort of pliable material we shall call 'rubber'.

It is said that the ancient Gods created the Fachen from the spare parts in their making box. This has made the Fachen even more determined to prove itself and is just as deadly as any other creature if you underestimate it.

Title:Traitor! What Traits Are - by A.Ply

ID:45 What are those strange little symbols you see above people's heads when you gift them items? Why, it's a trait of course! Most consumables will apply a trait to the consumer that can affect stats, affect their personality or even cause a reaction. You can check what these symbols mean on the character status screen and by viewing yourself or the NPC affected. Highlight one for tooltips. There are permanent traits and temporary. Many traits have an opposite which when applied, will cancel out the active one. Up to 3 traits can be active at once on any living thing. Use these to your advantage! Someone too good at bartering? Lower their Barter stat. Want some fun? Apply Flatulence.

Now go have fun out there!

Title:Small Limericks - by Y Fruntz

ID:46

There was a blacksmith called Nick, Who got a nail stuck in a part of his reproductive organ.

The end.

Title:Evergreen: The Fae Realms Vol II - by Amos E Wall

ID:47

Beware, beware! I have returned from the uncanny realms of the Fae to tell of wonders and dangers, so heed this humble poet's words. Some have called me mad, and perhaps they are correct, but what sane mind can walk among the twisted boughs of E'ergreen and return with its sanity intact? I have seen Mossmen, Dryads, Pucks and Green Children, flitting in the shadows or dancing under bizarre canopies. Ethereal music drifts from their Fae pipes and wraps itself around every rock and plant, making trees shimmer to its chilling rhythm. Do not be fooled by the tranquility and beauty you will encounter at first sight. The vibrant autumnal colours of bushes that cluster the path, the intoxicating air, the opening sweet, soft melodies of that music... Step further into this realm, away from the home of the Fae denizens, and it soon becomes discordant. Strange totems spit shimmering water into silent pools, and stone faces watch from the undergrowth, and all the while, you will begin to lose yourself and find reason in the whispers that would bargain away your soul...

Oh yes, you will be tempted and enraptured by all you see and hear there, but you may not be as lucky as I and escape to tell your tale. So take care to remember always this: the lips of the Fae deliver only a poisoned kiss.

Title:The Goods Store Keeper's Handbook

ID:48

OPENING YOUR STORE

Interact with the sign outside to open and close your store. The store will automatically close if you leave the region and have no worker employed.

THE LEDGER

The Ledger on your counter has tabs with various helpful pages for running your business.

Accounts: Check your profit and loss on a weekly / yearly level, and look at your previous transactions and Rep gain.

Staff: You can hire workers from here. You can change their pay and see their stamina. To regain stamina, give them breaks or gift them food. A tired worker has their stats affected. You can also see a worker's happiness level. Pay and stamina can affect this, as well as friendship level. An unhappy worker is more discourteous to customers, affecting service reputation and will not gain exp. This page also allows you to fire an employee.

Rota: The employees' hours may be set here, and who works on which day.

Reputation: You will gain reputation when a customer is pleased with service and price. This fills in for the current region you are in and will give you a bonus when full. Any further reputation will keep levelling up your current region and spill into the next. This means that customers will start to appear from that region as they have heard about your shop. Once that region's Rep has been filled, you again get a reward, and the Rep spills into another region. Your earned shop Rep adds onto your Grandmaster total, building up your Renown levels.

Specialisations: Once you have unlocked them with the Tinker in Tir Na Nog, you can specialise your shop which brings new Perks. This page lets you view and unlock those Perks.

STATS

Each NPC has 10 stats, and 4 of these come into play when working in a Goods Store... Speed: Affects the speed of service. Customer's have a limited patience so the quicker you serve, the better. Barter: Their bartering skill level. Charm: Offsets any negative Rep from slow service or overpricing. Stamina: how long they can work before tiredness affects their other stats.

The worker stats are affected by age but additionally gain experience to level up the stats used in their current job.

Certain recipes and items may also increase (or decrease!) the worker's stats.

PRICING

Customers have a threshold on what they will pay for items. Too expensive, and they may buy it but be unhappy, affecting Rep. Customers love things way cheaper than the base price, though! It is worth watching their comments for guidance. As your Rep grows, so does the threshold before they become unhappy.

BARTERING

There is a 50/50 chance that a customer may want to haggle. To serve a customer, stand behind your counter and interact. If the barter wheel appears, press the relevant button to stop the pointer in the green zone. Win, and you can eke out some extra Brass without affecting Rep.

STOCK & STORAGE

The cupboard in the top left becomes your stock cupboard when you own a store.

Here you can store items for workers to use, and order stock.

Title:The Blacksmith Owners Handbook

ID:49

OPENING YOUR STORE

Interact with the sign outside to open and close your smithy. The smithy will automatically close if you leave the region and have no worker employed.

THE LEDGER

The Ledger on your counter has tabs with various helpful pages for running your business.

Orders: Here, you can check on any incoming orders and when they are due to be collected.

Accounts: Check your profit and loss on a weekly / yearly level, and look at your previous transactions and Rep gain.

Staff: You can hire workers from here. You can change their pay and see their stamina. To regain stamina, give them breaks or gift them food. A tired worker has their stats affected. You can also see a worker's happiness level. Pay and stamina can affect this, as well as friendship level. An unhappy worker is more discourteous to customers, affecting service reputation. This page also allows you to fire an employee.

Shop: The employees' hours may be set here, and who works on which day. You may also set who works at which department...counter or forge. You can also rename your shop here.

Reputation: When a customer is pleased with service and price, you will gain reputation. This fills in for the current region you are in, which will give you a bonus when full. Any further reputation will keep levelling up your current region and spill into the next region. This means that customers will start to appear from that region as they have heard about your shop. Once that region's Rep has been filled, you again get a reward, and the Rep spills into another region. Your earned shop Rep adds onto your Grandmaster total, building up your Renown levels.

STATS

Each NPC has 10 stats, and 4 of these come into play when working in a Smithy... Speed: Affects the speed of service or how quickly items are crafted. Accuracy: (forge only) the quality of work. Charm: (counter only) Offsets any negative Rep from slow service, missed orders or bad choice of given items. Stamina: how long they can work before tiredness affects their other stats.

The worker stats are affected by age but additionally gain experience to level up the stats used in their current job.

Specific recipes and items may also increase (or decrease!) the worker's stats.

PRICING

Prices in the Smithy are non-negotiable. You will be paid the going rate for each item based on type and quality.

STOCK & STORAGE

The large shelving unit in your Smithy is used for holding orders, displaying stock and ordering more materials.

You can move items around and make sure you keep the ore supplies high for your workers to use.

Title:What Is The Wottyzit? Just What Is It? - by Amos E Wall

ID:50

Some Fae creatures go against the grain of secrecy and sometimes show themselves in times of need. The Brounie has been known to sometimes make itself known, as do the Gillywiddle, the Thatterway and the Fnartyfnarnar, which I bet you struggled to say. However, the most common of these little creatures is the Wottyzit. When a person is new to an area, they may see these sparkling little entities fluttering around points of interest. If something is of use, the Wottyzit will draw attention to it. The Wottyzit will not go away unless the object is interacted with. It is as though the creature is insisting that it has your full attention. Once satisfied, the Wottyzit will fly away, happy.

Well, as happy as a floating, blinking, glowing, flappy eye can be.

Title:Animal Control for Village Idiots - by Barbara Woodworm

ID:51

Dog gone? Cat napping? Pig won't fly? Sheep acting woolly? Then you need the power of your lips! Just put your lips together, blow outwards and Whistle! You can bring up a list of all your pets and owned animals by pressing <whistle>. From there, you can summon your faithful four or two-legged friends to your side, ask them to stay put or send them home. Quillian animals are fiercely loyal and have truly great senses, so they always know their way home.

The whistle will also help if you lose them, as animals are known for getting distracted by the call of nature, the smell of pies and generally anything glittery!

Title:The Thatterway: A Guide. Literally - by Amos E Wall

ID:52

As mentioned in my other book, 'What is The Wottyzit? Just what is it?' I tell of the Thatterway. This Faery is incredibly helpful and incredibly sparkly. They are drawn to certain humans they find attractive and attach themselves to them. When that person is lost or seeking something, the Thatterway will fly out of their host's hair and in the direction they need to be. An ancient tome, the 'Manual of Play' mentions their usage thus... "To use this feature, the player must set a Task as Active in their Task List, then click in the Left Stick on their control pad or the F1 key on their keyboard."

I have yet to understand any of that, but it sometimes makes me wonder if we are being controlled by a force higher than our beloved Goddesses.

Title:The Ritual of Marriage - by Isla Walker

ID:53

Marriage in Quillian society is more than just an excuse to have a party and get drunk. Marriage is a statement of intent. That intent is to prove your love for not just your partner but also a love of nature and our fair Goddesses. To love another, one must love all around them, which is proved in the proposal ritual. On Solsday (Goddess Day), you must pick a White Rose. Do not do anything with it yet, though! White roses can grow only on Solsday in places where the spirits of love bound and play, such as Loverwood. On Moonsday you must present the White Rose to the love of your life. On Truthsday you must take your lover to a place of their choosing. On Woesday, you must pick a sprig of Charmweed, a plant often found in the haven of Summerdown. On Turnsday, simply gather an egg. There are willing chickens all over the land who would oblige. Freylsday is the day for sourcing some flour. If you can not grind any, then buying some would not lose your favour. On Satyrsday you must then take the Charmweed, Egg and Flour to any oven and bake the Pie of You and I. Make sure you have that recipe for love! Then finally, take the Pie to the High Priest and give it to him. He will offer it to the Goddesses. If they smile on the offering then you will be given a Binding Band! Take this Band to your lover and gift it to them.

Now you are ready to be married and enjoy all the benefits that marriage brings!

Title:Planning Your Wedding for Village Idiots - by Isla Walker

ID:54

Once you have completed your ritual of proposal and offered the Binding Band to your lover, you must plan the big day! Choose a date of the big day. Maybe make sure it doesn't clash with anything and try not to get into trouble beforehand! Once the time is set, all you need to ensure arriving before 1pm on the special day. Get there BEFORE 1pm! Go to the High Priest in Loverwood, and you will then begin the ceremony. After the words are spoken, the Priest will invoke the Spirits. When a Spirit has chosen you, your spouse and your good self will be imbued with a sample of their power. However, divorce your spouse, and you both lose that Spirit.

Once the ceremony is done, your spouse will return to your home to fulfil their duties of marriage...so enjoy this new life together and get makin' babies!

Title:The Bumper Book of Divorce - by Isla Walker

ID:55

Fed up of a nagging spouse? Bed life wilting like a sunflower in a drought. Crops failing? What you need is a pleasant divorce. You can do this via the High Priest in Loverwood. Divorce via the High Priest is a method that is available any day, all year round. There is a Brass cost associated with this method, but it is much handier. Just pop into your local Priest and ask about it. Your spouse will have no qualms about leaving immediately once the divorce is ratified, as everybody in Quill understands this is the way.

You are then free to sow the seed of another marriage and get those crops growing again.

Title:Infiledity? No Such Word - by Isla Walker

ID:56

In ancient times, marriage was a holy act, and to break it was a sin. However, times have changed (obviously), and the ways of our Neo-Pagan society are vastly different to those dusty old ways. A new marriage is a rebirth, just as death is, and everyone understands that love is a spirit that flows through us all. The Spirit may stop to rest, but will often feel the need to drift elsewhere and search for a new host. There may be some sadness if a bond was strong, but the affected partner knows that it was not meant to be, as the Spirit has chosen another. Love must spread, like pollen, and keep nurturing our land. There may be some jealousy or upset, but we dare not risk the wrath of our Goddesses who encourage our more frisky endeavours. Love must spread. Seed must spread. Butter must spread.

These are the tenets that make up the pillars of our lives. Break the pillar, the temple collapses, and all you are left with is dry toast.

Title:Cough Up the Dough: A Guide to Good Baking - by Tom Bakery

ID:57

There are various types of cooking in Quill, and all can be done from your friendly neighbourhood stove. Quillian ovens incorporate an excellent hob and warming kiln, which is what this book is about. You can create scandalous sandwiches, plump pies and tremendous toasties. Simply pick a recipe and if you get stuck, use the included manual. The HELP option at the top of the screen. I hope your pies will be as stout as oak and with a lovely crust and hot filling...or they will be withered like my pride after Melanie Baps rejected my proposal. We could have made such sweet breads together. I will never get to cup her cakes.

I will have to become a master baker in order to forget her!

Title:Freyl: Goddess of Fields - by Mae Poll

ID:58

If you have ever seen a shining form standing in the fields - a strong, fair woman with cornrows in her hair and sunlight in her eyes - then you have caught a glimpse of Freyl. Her blessings can usher in bountiful crops and imbue vegetables with vigour and flavour. Displease her, though, and you will be harvesting nothing but withered disappointments. The good folk of Mellowfields know better than to get on the wrong side of the Goddess of the Fields. They worship Freyl above all others and long to hear her laughter rippling through the gently swaying wheat as they compete to grow the biggest, hardiest vegetables in her honour.

But that rich laughter stops once the harvest has been brought in, for if there is one thing Freyl hates above all else, it is the barren cold of winter.

Title:My Diary - by Ken Tiller

ID:59

That Veg Rarney! Who does he think he is? He believes he is the Lord of the Plots because he fills his garden with turnips. Has he not seen my onions? Does he not appreciate the well-tended flowers and beautiful lavender? I think he has always been jealous of my success and just copies me to try to get one over on me. I get a greenhouse...he must get a greenhouse. I get a new step...he must get a new step. I get a windmill....well he can't afford a windmill, so I have him there!

That man must know that I am the best in this part of the haven, and if anyone is going to beat those Lawns, it will be me.

Title:Grinding. Or How to Pad Things Out - by Destiny Craftwar

ID:60

Grinding! In ancient times, people would play games for years on end to gain slightly bigger numbers or slightly better-looking pants. They would spend countless hours poring over statistics and drop rates and walk back and forward, forward and back, doing the same thing just so they could potentially find an item with 0.00007% more damage. In the modern world, the only grinding, other than teeth, is that of a good old miller's stone. Simply bring some wheat to the millstone, and interact. You can now create lovely fluffy flour for your baking needs!

Just reading this, you can get frothy with excitement at the thought of spending countless hours running back and forwards just in the hope that you can make some slightly better quality flour.

Oh.

Title:The Pigriders Guide to the Galaxy - by Bugless Adam

ID:61

Are you new to Quill? Have you come from beyond the eternal mists that ring our fair land? Or are you some uneducated muffin from Deepstone? Maybe you just banged your head and forgot? You might even be in some kind of ethereal tutorial and need to know things quickly. Well, here are some reminders of how things work around here. Firstly, the land is ruled over by 6 Fae Goddesses. They are... Druida, Goddess of Orchards Naida, Goddess of Fertility Freyl, Goddess of Fields Hyalis, Goddess of Death and Rebirth Morwenna, Goddess of Beasts Aurore, Goddess of Seasons. Each day the people of the land make offerings at Goddess statues to the Fae deities and put food in their own Offering bowls to appease the clan Brounie. The land is covered in mystery, and invisible creatures walk among us under the ever-watchful gaze of the Goddesses.

It is advised you read everything! There is no substitute for taking note of what people tell you, but a lot of how things work you need to learn for yourselves, old school!

Title:Placeholder Books: Necessary or Just Waffle - by A.Musingly-Named-Author

ID:62

Sometimes in life, you just have to smile. You could be walking along, collecting stuff, enjoying the music of the world when you come across a book like this one. Upon reading it, you may expect some juicy gossip or interesting lore. But no! The text explains how such a book is not written yet and then goes on and on about nothing. Is this a waste of the reader's time? Yes. Is that a bad thing? No. As long as they smile at the end of the text and realise they were part of some crazy fourth wall development thing, then the effort was worth it. You can now get back to streaming or whatever.

Whatever that is!

Title:The Jabberwock - by Carol Lewis

ID:63

Twas Brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; All mimsy were the borogroves, And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird and shun The frumious Bandersnatch!"

These are the words of an obvious drunkard. Absolutely just making that stuff up. Yes, we know that these creatures exist. Yes, we know they are huge and fierce and belch poison. We all know about the long neck, massive feet and rock-slicing talons. What about those slavering jowls? Those bizarre but unnerving wings? Jubjub bird? Bandersnatch? Nonsense. Jabberwocks? Terrifying, real, and currently making me wish I hadn't read stupid old poems because it is getting closer.

I have just gimbled in my trousers.

Title:Days of the Week - by Tom Horrow

ID:64

There are 7 days in a week and 2 weeks per season. Yes, time can move fast in this land, probably too fast for some, but get used to it! The days are... Day 1, Moonsday Day 2, Truthsday Day 3, Woesday Day 4, Turnsday Day 5, Freylsday Day 6, Satyrsday Day 7, Solsday (or Goddess Day).

Certain things affect the world each day, and the clue is often in the day's name.

Find out what, and use that knowledge to your advantage!

Title:Diversity is Not a Big Town - by Jen Hetticks

ID:65

The people of Quill are a diverse bunch. Each Haven has their own quirks and traditions. Have you noticed how the Vale folk are varied in their fashion tastes? How the folk of Poppyhill have huge heads and are tall? The villagers over in Mellowbrook are short and very...hmmm...how can I put it? Hobbity? That word just sounds right, though I do not know what a Hobbity is. The rich tapestry of life in Quill is sown by our beloved seamstresses in their city of Opal.

I do sometimes wonder where they get their wool, though.

Title:Dungeon Deathtraps - by Simon Bellbottoms

ID:66

In the depths of each dark forest you may find strange glades that don't involve whacking the inhabitants over the head with a bit of sharp metal. There may be circles of oddly large toadstools, which sing in an hypnotic pattern. Or annoying as you might come to judge. There could be a room of stone statues that spit fire. It's plainly obvious what to do with those. Just take time to reflect and don't be blue if you can't work it out. You may come across a camping spot. These are great for rest and having a meal, but does mean you will head deeper into the forest. Fae magics...wooooooh!

And lastly, there are wishing wells. Throw in some money and you might get a boon! Or waste your money.

Title:A Letter of Complaint - by Barbara Woodhut

ID:67

Dear Mr Marshtyt

I would like to complain about your gardening books and the amount of filth within. As I turn the pages, I am confronted with filth upon filth. It is disgusting. These books are incredibly dirty. Could you please try washing your hands before you write them please?

Thank you

p.s - keep up the innuendo. Your smutty jokes make me laugh so hard my bosom whacks my chin.

Title:Marshtyt: A Biography - by Marshtyt

ID:68

Greetings, flower buds!

You may know me as the Master Gardener of Quill...but what does that mean? And how did I come to hold such a big title? My journey started when I was a wee nipper. I used to run around nipping wee. Wahey! Not really. My mother loved gardening, and one day, she left me with some seed packets and a trowel in the garden. I ate the seeds and became very sick. A Fae creature appeared, dangled me upside down, and hit my back thrice. I ejected the seeds on the third hit, and all was well. The Fae promised to teach me better ways, and secretly, over time, I learned my skills. I became voracious in my thirst for knowledge and discovered how to visit the Fae realms. I studied their plants and managed to grow them for myself. The Fae appeared once more and suggested I visit the Mirryr at the door to Opal. There, I was judged by the Goddesses and blessed as a Master. This leads me to where I am now, sitting in my greenhouse, writing about it.

I never saw the Fae again, but I still dream of those eyes and teeth.

Title:Lyric: Sweet Child of the Mine - by Zeezee Topple

ID:69

Who is the girl that can make LEOPARDS DEAF? Who can out-sing any MOTLEY CREW of bards? THE WHO is the QUEEN of the BYRDS? The IRON MAIDEN with the DEEP PURPLE streak of hair? A FOREIGNER who crossed the river STYX in a LEAD ZEPPELIN? Her JOURNEY brought her across CLEARWATER, on a GREEN DAY, to Quill. One KISS from her BATTLEAXE, the METAL LICKER, is POISON. She is a SLAYER of SCORPIONS. A DISTURBED SAXON MORBID ANGEL who brings MEGA DEATH to your CARCASS with her TOOL until you have FAITH NO MORE as a TESTAMENT to her, erm...WHITESNAKE?

Alright then, Lyric is the Master Bard of Quill. She is not what you would call traditional.

Sorry!

Title:Everything You Wanted To Know About Nookie - by Alan Woody

ID:70

There are many pleasures in life. A nice beer. A juicy pork pie. A warm toilet seat. There is also the act of Nookie. It is both a pleasure and a means to keep life going. Two married people can get together and may even be blessed with a child. So how is this act begun? How can two people entwine and share in the most natural of acts (and sometimes unnatural, but that's another book!)? First, one must get a Rabbit Corndoll and gift it to their partner. Then, the act begins if accepted. There can be a few outcomes from this and virility can help reduce the chances of a flop, literally. So take your foods, find the optimal places for romance and increase your chances on the spinner we call The Wheel of Delight.

Good luck, Goddess bless and go get 'em.

Title:Island of the Citadel of the Deathtrap Hell Doom Warlock King - by Ian Jackstone

ID:71

You are standing in a large cavern. To the North, South, East and West, there are exits. There always are. Never North North West or South by South East. A handy table nearby has 3 objects on it. These are bound to be essential to your quest. There is a crimson fish. Why you would want that is baffling. There is also a key that opens something way off, so I have no clue what it is doing here. Finally, there is a small medallion that says "Do not wear!" etched onto it. One of the objects is likely a red herring. One is likely dangerous. Choose carefully, because no doubt you will need one later or have to restart. You hear a low growling from a dark recess and draw your dice because that's really going to hurt whatever is about to jump you. Test your skill by rolling one D6. If it is lower than your Skill rating, throw it again until you get what you want. Nobody is looking. The snarling stops and the hidden monster goes back to sleep, saving us from having to draw it. Now, put your finger on this page and choose an exit. Fear not! For if you choose wrongly, the magic finger will return you to this room to pick another, more favourable exit. To go north, turn to page 23. To go south, turn to page 23 (don't ask) To go east, turn to page 76 To go west, turn to page 114

To wear the medallion, turn to page 13 and consider yourself an idiot.

Title:The Act of Worship - by Ben Downe

ID:72

Oh, Goddess Day! Such a glorious day! On this day, the folk of Quill pay their respects to our beloved Fae overseers. Many simple folks, though, do not quite understand the subtleties of worship and how to best gain advantages for their benefit. I will tell you, fair reader, how to make your offerings count.

Firstly, on Goddess Day (Day 7 to the layman), find a Goddess Statue and interact. Select MAKE OFFERINGS to be presented with the offering bowls and the pairings of Goddesses. You can highlight the 8 circles to view the boons on offer. Choosing a boon on one side, will highlight a curse on the opposite side for the jealous Goddess. When you highlight one side, the other flips to show the curses. Once you have chosen your desired boon (providing you have the required offering) click on it and select the item you wish to offer. You can then move the Goddess icons up and down to switch pairings and fill the next bowl. Once you have the boons you want, confirm your selection. You do not have to fill all the bowls. One offering is enough to satiate the Goddesses. Forget though and you may be struck by a random curse!

Once you are happy with which boons and blessings (even jinxes and curses) you will gain and have placed items for all 6 Goddesses, confirm the offerings. You then have 1 week of Goddess favour (or anger) to contend with until next Goddess Day.

So go forth, make your offerings and may the Goddesses smile on your carrots.

Title:The Apothecary Owner's Handbook

ID:73

Thank you for purchasing this apothecary. We hope you are medically qualified, but we will just have to cross our fingers since there are no regulatory bodies. The aim of running an apothecary is to serve customers' needs, whether they are poorly, afflicted with more 'magical' maladies or just after a little pick-me-up. You must ask what their problem is and use their symptom descriptions to try to work out what Traits they are afflicted with, then use your own estimations or the helpful Medical Tome to work out how to counter the things they want to fix. Each Trait has a counter-trait, and over time you will unlock more cure recipes and knowledge to help you best treat each patient. You can also use any of the 3 crafting stations to pre-mix treatments and store them behind the counter to help save time during opening hours. You may also give a Placebo if you are struggling to treat something or just want to get rid of a customer. Placebos have a 50/50 chance of fooling your patients, so be careful! Interacting with your Ledger will let you track your accounts, Reputation, hire staff, etc. When hiring, Intelligence, Constitution , Speed and Stamina are the stats to look for. To run the apothecary, interact with the sign outside the door to open and close it. More information on how to use the stations, recipe book and so on can be found in the Help section. There are also books you can read to help. Do wear gloves if you read them.

You should try making a few things first before subjecting your patients to your remedies!

Title:Running an Apothecary - by Auntie Septic

ID:74 Running an apothecary can be a tough but rewarding business. When the apothecary is open, patients will come in and line up. Ring the bell, and a patient will step forward, and you can ask them what the problem is. If poorly, the patient will tell you their symptoms. You then need to head to the crafting room and interact with any station. The Medical Tome will appear, and within it, you will find specific cure recipes for certain types of malady and afflictions. Select the recipe cure, and put the ingredients into the crafting basket. You can filter by cure relevant ingredients. Click the Craft button to go to the crafting stage.

Your Ledger can let you hire/fire, schedule workers, check your accounts and so on. Use the tabs to look through the different categories.

The shelves at the rear of the apothecary are used to store crafted items and also to order stock. You can store materials for your workers to use in the crafting room cupboard.

Help on how to use each crafting station can be found in my other books... A Guide to Creams Powder Making for Beginners

The Potion Crafting Handbook

Title:A Guide to Creams - by Auntie Septic

ID:75 Creams are a dream. They are reasonably quick to make and don't need much fuss. You will be presented with some lovely copper equipment. On the left is a tank where you drop in your ingredients and extract their goodness. Grab a pot and place it on the tripod. Turn up the bunsen heat, and the steam will pass through the pipe, carrying the properties of your ingredients with it and drip into the pot. On the right is the wax container. Heat it up with the bunsen and move your pot onto the tripod to collect drizzles of sweet hot wax. The wax will thicken the cream, so keep stirring as you add it. You want to get a nice even consistency...not too runny and not too thick. If it is too runny, add wax from the right. If it is too sticky and stiff, add more extract from the left.

When the mixture reaches the marked line, pop a lid on it, and Bill's your uncle!

Title:Powder Making For Beginners - by Auntie Septic

ID:76 Powders are the simplest of all cures to create. Interact with the workbench on the left of the crafting room, and you will be presented with your ingredients and a nice sharp implement for chopping. Simply mash the button to chop and hold it while moving left and right to grind. When everything is sufficiently decimated, the board will lift, and you can scrape the produce into the mortar.

Use the pestle to mash and grind any remaining crunchy bits until a fine powder, then the contents will be poured into a sachet, and all's well that ends swell, as they say!

Title:The Potion Making Handbook - by Auntie Septic

ID:77 Of all the cures a quack, I mean, professional doctor, can craft, potions are the trickiest. They require concentration...quite literally! Firstly, interact with the potion station, always positioned to the right of an apothecary crafting room. Grab an ingredient and put it into the crusher. Pull the handle down to squeeze out every bit of goodness from your material. Take the green tube full of lovely juice and pour it into the cauldron. Now is the part that needs utmost concentration! Note the reaction that happens after pouring. If the temperature gauge rises, turn down the heat with the switch on the hob. See ice appear? Then increase the heat. Look at the smoke and note its colour. You must use the carousel above the cauldron to select a counter-agent which is the OPPOSITE colour to the smoke. Use the colour wheel to check what this is. Then, grate, slice, press, or squeeze the suitable reagent container to add enough to the cauldron to neutralise the reaction.

Repeat for the remaining ingredients, then pour out, and your potion is ready to go and hopefully not ready to blow!

Title:The Medical Tome Handbook - by Auntie Septic

ID:78 The Medical Tome can be a bewildering place to the apothecary apprentice. As it gets filled with knowledge, it becomes an even bigger maze of malady medications and symptomatic solutions.

You can use the tabs to view known remedies for powders, creams and potions and use the various filters to find what you need.

Title:Find the Filifryth - by Monty Circus

ID:79 I wonder where that Owl has gone? You did love it so, you looked after it like a son. And it fished, wherever I, did go. Is it on its perch? Yes! Yes! No? Is it hiding in Evergreen's trees? Wouldn't you like to know? It was a lovely little Owl. That fished, wherever I, did go. Will you toot your Piscatootle? Give that whistle a blow. Oh Fili Fili Filifryth!

That fished, wherever I did go.

Title:Nymphs are Maniacs - by Simon Bellbottoms

ID:80

Can you hear that buzzing sound in the trees as you walk along the edge of Simplewood? It is like a soft hum; the sound makes you feel dreamy and relaxed. But do not fall asleep, and do not enter Simplewood when you hear it! If you find the temptation too strong to wander in and sample the secret Fae fruits and treasures, you may find the source of the sound. I have seen them firsthand...the Nymphs! These bizarre creatures are humanoid wasps, and their sting strikes the soul and the body. They love nothing more than drinking from the endless nectars of the woods, but trespass and their ire is turned into swift and painful retribution. Not only that, they seem connected to each other and coordinate their attacks. I survived their assault and lived to write this warning.

Beware the Nymphs and do not drink their nectar!

Title:Combat Items: Trading in Pain - by Chuck Potions

ID:81

Did you know you can take items into the dark forests to use against the monsters there? These are readily bought just outside each forest by the specialist traders that turn up there every other day. It is also rumoured that Wishing Wells secreted in the woods can offer up prizes for a donation, which includes these very same items. Be sure to check what kind of denizen inhabits each place and adjust your loadout accordingly. If you are always getting hit, some nice cream or a toughness powder can help. Want to keep your enemies at bay? Throw some fire between you and their nasty fangs. Some items actually can't be bought, so catch bees in jars or find special fountains of blessed water.

So stock up where you can and prepare properly. You may even make it out in one piece!

Title:A Witty Reposte! - by Parry Manilow

ID:82

En guarde! Allez! Touche turtle! Away!

These were terms used by the ancients and found in battered and crusty tomes depicting the noble art of Stabbetry. The art was also known as Hackathon, Chopchop, Hag and Slash and, somewhat bizarrely, Fencing. Yes, people used to hit each other with garden dividers and cattle stoppers. To become a master of the violent sports, one must really get to grips with the PARRY. As any good blade runner bean knows, pressing <combat_block> just as an enemy is striking will deflect the attack. This also leaves them open for a COUNTER. Simply mash the buttons like a madman to give the enemy's face a new look. A perfect Parry and a good Counter cost no stamina, so they are perfect for those of skill who want to watch their energy. Learn these methods well, and you too can become an elegant dancer in a disco of blood.

I have no idea what a disco is, but it sounds like something you would throw through someone's skull.

Title:Mazes Amaze Me - by Me & Her

ID:83

Who loves to lick a labyrinth? Who likes to delve into dungeons? Frolic in forests? Or even just wander in the woods killing and looting? You do? Then read on! There are 3 dark forests in Quill...Simplewood, Midwood and Toughwood. Each is more dangerous than the last (there are rumours of a legendarily hard place called Nightmare Hollow, but that sounds like dream-laden claptrap, or DLC as I like to call it).

In each forest is a set number of 'glades' or 'rooms', if you will. You can continue on your path, and the creatures that assail you will be weaker and more susceptible to death. However, head DEEPER, and you will find they start to get tougher and nastier. Why in Quill would anyone venture deeper then? LOOT! Lots and lots of lovely, higher-quality loot. The deeper you go, the deeper your pockets need to be! You may also find various other glades within the forests...traps, puzzles, challenges, and mysteries. Oh, how amazing it would be to find them when we put more into the build!

So prepare thyself well. Bring Wards and Charms. A good meal. A bow and, may I also suggest two swords.

Title:How to Avoid Poisoning Your Family - by R. Sennick

ID:85

Almost every Quillian household has a family recipe book in which generations of brave epicurean innovators have recorded their experiments. Of course, some books have more completed pages than others, depending on the enthusiasm and survival rate of the writers. Use your own book for guidance and inspiration as you start your own gastronomic adventures.

Traditionally, the books are split into sections for each type of recipe, with handy little tabs to help you find things in a hurry - who wants to read about healthy soups when they're desperate to make a lovely sweet squishy pudding? It's always lovely to add new pages to these sections as you discover new taste sensations - don't forget to add scrumptious drawings too!

Cooking can often reveal stronger traits than were present in the raw ingredients. Don't forget to note these down once you've discovered them by making a recipe - grandma will not be pleased if you serve her a warning-free Cursefish Cake just before she attends the Summertide Ritual. Equally, making the appropriate dish can be really helpful in so many areas of your life: from relationships and marriage to monster smiting and shopping.

It's worth experimenting with better quality ingredients as your culinary confidence grows. Although they can be challenging to find and trickier to cook, it will be well worth it for the fantastic quality of your finished food.

Title:The Unwell - by Emma Nematode

ID:107 A poison once spread throughout the land. A poison so foul, the people who drank the waters containing it were filled with hatred and bloodlust. One day, a Fae called Miffin Muffin was travelling through the swamp when he came across a cave filled with bones and a dark well. He tasted the water to quench his thirst but spat it out instantly, where it withered the moss in the cave. "This will not do! This will not do indeed!" he is said to have said. So the gnome returned home to Tir Na Nog, collected the purest water, and returned. When he poured it into the well, there was a glow, and the water was now fresh and cleansed and delicious and yum.

Miffin Muffin skipped happily out of the cave, bumped into Daddy Long Legs, and was never seen again.

Title:The Folk of Woemarsh - by E.Longated

ID:108 Thousands of years ago, a group of happy, colourful souls would dress up in costumes, dye their hair fabulous colours, make wooden swords and head off on quests they invented for fun. This group wandered into the swamps of what we now call Woemarsh and were never seen by their families again. They lived on, deep in the swamp, and kept their customs. Their descendants continued these customs, and although their meaning was lost over time, the colour and fashion remained. The people discovered that the swamp provided energy from the gasses and lit and warmed their homes using it. The gas, however, made all their eyes a curious pink colour.

After The Agreement, machines and technology were mostly outlawed. Still, due to their ecological sensitivity, the Goddess Morwenna looked on them kindly and gave the people of Woemarsh immortality in return for their absolute loyalty and a pact that they would continue to look after the marshes and the wildlife there.

Title:DREADWATERS - by Emma Nematode

ID:109 Woemarsh is a place of fetid waters that none would dare drink of. Long ago, a freshwater source was discovered running deep underground from the north. This was tapped along its route by several wells; thus, the people who lived in the swamp could have pure water to meet their needs. One such well was created in a place known as Toadswallow. A small enclave of wanderers set up there, in the cave where they had shelter and clean water. However, their laughter and singing awoke something in the dark depths, and a creature of an ancient past stirred. The settlers promptly vanished, and the people of Woemarsh started to disappear too. A young candlemaker accidentally discovered how to keep the murderous horror at bay, so Woemarsh was saved.

Nobody dares venture now into what was Toadswallow. Instead, the locals renamed it Dreadwaters, and the cursed cave became a tomb and a home for the unspeakable.

Title:Uncle Bill's Diary Entry

ID:110 I stood on a muddy patch above the big pond left of the house. There was a WESTerly wind and I felt like I was SIX again. I started feeling DOWN, and I hadn't felt that way since I was ELEVEN. It felt RIGHT to walk that way, until I counted SEVEN.

I was on another muddy patch, and I DUG that coincidence.

Title:Uncle Bill's Note

ID:111 When I pass and I meet my Rose again, I hope she will greet me with kindness. What I did was unforgivable. We had been chosen to be the Summertide Herald's, but the day before, I kissed her goodbye and told her and others I was going to gather offerings for Summertide. I actually went into faraway Toughwood and hid. Everyone thought I had been lost to the monsters of Toughwood. I returned two weeks later, covered in cuts and bruises inflicted by my own hand to give the impression I had been attacked by monsters. What I didn't tell anyone though, was that I saw something disturbing in that cursed wood, something dark and dangerous slumbering in the shadow. My being pale and shaken was no act but added believability to my story. Summertide had passed, and my Rose was, of course, the only choice, and my cowardice was plain to see. Forgive me, my flower. Forgive me, everyone. I shall lock this confession in a chest, half hoping that it will be found one day.

I also lay to rest the sword I used so many times to take so many lives in the woods.

Title:No Fachen About - by Simon Bellbottoms

ID:112

What's got one eye, one leg and one arm and hates humans? Yes, this is not a joke. The only punchline is what these monsters will do if they see you. It is said that when the ancient Fae Goddess and Mother of our current Goddesses, Echoia, first made the creatures that walked the realms of light and shadow, she was left with some spare parts. Rather than waste such precious creations, she created the Fachen. The Fachen was a gentle giant but was teased and taunted about how silly it looked. This made the Fachen angrier and angrier...hopping mad if you will. It tore up a tree and began smashing the heads of those who laughed. They laughed no more. Consumed by guilt and bitterness, the Fachen retreated into the darker places, to live amongst those who would accept it.

Meet one today, and the joke is on you.

Title:You Ain't Nuthin But A Hound Dog - by Pelvis Lesley

ID:113

A drooling mouth filled with knife-sharp teeth. Eyes of fire staring hatefully at you. Skin as tough as leather, with a dark, ominous silhouette as it hunches over its next meal. But enough about my wife, let's talk doggies. The Barghest is a beast of pure fury. Packs of them roam Toughwood at night, hunting for those that dare stray.

Some of them were somehow tamed by the mighty Ogyr. A whistle sends them into a rage and they attack ceaselessly, with leap and bite, eyes glowing in the night.

Title:Toad in the Hole - by Bare Rupert

ID:114

Croaker! Croaker! Hop, bounce, jump! Leap from reeds and over stump. Put out your tongue and taste the fear! Pull them in so close, my dear!

Croaker, Croaker, ribbit good, Down in murky, middy wood. Down where corpses lay in mud, Watching Croaker splash in blood.

Go play, Croaker. Hop, bounce, jump! Leap from reeds and over stump. Spit and belch and always play,

In that place where corpses lay.

Title:Which Witch? - by Bella BestChat

ID:115

Need help sorting which witch is which? Our informative guide will help you identify the Hags from the Hag-Nots. Each month, our magazine will tell you all the secrets you need to know about our favourite cackling crones. From the bitter Forest Hags of Simplewood, and their spiked vines, to the deadly and violent Water Hags of Midwood, slashing folks from their dark puddles! Each month we will detail these dangerous denizens with full-colour illustrations. Part one comes with a miniature Night Hag, complete with a swingable lantern and authentic hair. Part two will cost 15 times what you paid for the first because we've got you by the cream crackers. Part three will likely never appear, so you will never be able to collect the set.

Available at all good news pigeons.

Title:Ogyr and Above - by Stankie Boil

ID:116

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like the world is against you? You get out of bed and stand on an upturned rake. Your larder is empty. The Brounies have put a big dollop of sheep poop on your chair, and you just sat on the stool. You go outside and it starts raining. The chickens are all missing. There are huge footprints leading off into the trees. Ever had one of those days? No? Well, I just have, and the Ogyr that stole my cluckers for lunch is fast asleep next to a tree. How is this book informative?

It isn't, I just wanted to complain.

Title:Ogyrs: An Actually Useful Book - by Simon Bellbottoms

ID:117

If you are insane enough to enter Toughwood, or brave enough, then here are some things it is imperative you should know when encountering that most horrid of monsters, the Ogyr. These brutes are big and strong because they eat their Greens. They eat the Browns too. And the Smiths. And the rest of the village. The primary weapons of Ogyrs are the very primitive things they call 'A big Stick of wood'. So basically, a tree. They smash it down, and you really shouldn't try to block it, unless you are looking to lose some height from your personage. Ogyr's also like to be sporting, and toss a big rock in the air to smash at you with their club. Scholars believe they learned this from an ancient sport called Clubbing. Lastly, Ogyr's love dogs. Big dogs. They want to think they are the big boys of the estate, and so having dangerous hounds, like Barghests, at their command fulfils that role. Listen for the whistle, which is a basic command that means "Rip em up".

Absolute t**** the lot of them.

Title:A History of Woemarsh - by Paige Turner

ID:118

At the time of the Great Catastrophe, it is said that there was peace in the world. A group of friends liked to dress in colourful costumes and have playful adventures, pretending to be users of magic and fierce warriors. One day, they headed deep into a marshland, to enact another chapter of their ongoing adventure. That was the day the Catastrophe occurred. The land shifted and heaved around them. Creatures stepped through the now open doorways ripped into the fabric of the air itself. The group fled into a nearby cave system and sought refuge. After a while, when all was calm, they tried to leave, but would always end up back where they began. They used all their skills to forage for and eventually grow their own food. They lived in this world of theirs for many years, until after The Agreement was signed. They passed on their skills and knowledge to their children, and they to their children. Their customs were upheld. The making of colourful clothes. The dyeing of hair. The never really growing up but who cares and wants to live a dull, grey life anyway? Eventually, the Goddess Morwenna found them and took them under her wing. It was only around a hundred or so years ago, that mighty Morwenna saw, in her wisdom, to Bless the residents of Woemarsh, and open up a path to the rest of Quill.

Their secret was out, but the reasonings why are still a mystery.

Title:Matey Bubbles - by Aida Numpty

ID:119

Hey friend! This is just a small note to remind you about the Help available to all. Pressing <bubblehelp> on the mystical thing they call, a keyboard, or the clicking-in of the Right Stick, will make any interactive objects be highlighted by a helpful bubble. Simply select one for more information. Clever, eh? You can also use <help> or press the onscreen button for Help when it is displayed. Additionally, there is a little How To Play in the Options Menu, with links to a wonderful Wiki!

So, friend, if you are ever in a stew, and don't know what to do, then help is but a button press away!

Title:You Have Specialise - by Tilly Tender

ID:120

Owning a shop is a tough business at first. Finding stock or ingredients, then minding the store itself or crafting the goods. Then you find that you can afford some staff and over time your shop flourishes. Life could get boring, but fear not, because you can always Specialise! In Tir Na Nog you will find the Tinker. He is a suspiciously large Gnome gentleman who can offer you the chance to turn your business into something else! Want to just focus on fish? Perhaps justify a jeweller? How about profiting from potions? The Tinker has you covered. Once you purchase a Specialisation, it is available to apply to any of your owned businesses. And Specialisations come with their own Perk tree too! Just look at the last tab in the Ledger to be able to enhance your new-look shop with all sorts of helpful benefits.

So don't delay, try a Specialisation today. Or when you can afford it, anyway.

Title:Blooming Champion - by Doug Gardens (yes, really)

ID:121

Every year the people of the Vale hold their annual Flower Show. In the past, we have had some incredibly talented winners. Who could forget Rosemary Beads and her massive hanging baskets? Or the year Buzz Hoff amazed us with his scented sunflowers? And who could forget 5-times champion, Jasmine Teapott, and her stunning array of funeral wreaths? So how does one join the pantheon of gardening greats? Presenting 5-star flowers is really the only way to win, so utilise those proverbs and eke out every star you can.

Failing that, just buy some on the hush-hush.

Title:A Halo for the Master Chef - by R. Cakebiter

ID:122

Every year the people of Summerdown hold their annual Bake Off. Sound familiar? Well, that's because I copy-pasted from another book and just changed some words. The contest has been fiercely fought for as long as folk could wield wooden spoons and look menacing in their aprons. The first recorded champion was Count Spatula himself, Milo Pastry. He ruled the culinary roost for 9 years, mainly because he was the only contestant. After his unfortunate death involving a swan, a see-saw and a sack of flour, other villagers continued the contest and this time against each other. Well-known winners include Gordon Bleugh, Heston Bloominghell, Harriet Stainsleeves and the lord of lard himself, Acky Fartbubbles. To give yourself a chance of winning this highly regarded competition (the crowd often stand on stools to watch), one must use only the very best ingredients and not make any mistakes during the cooking process.

One small slip could be the difference between a diner's delight or a load of old shi-ny shoes.

Title:Spriggan Sie Deutsch? - by Simon Bellbottoms

ID:123

"What a funny little creature!" you cry, as your grin at the funny-looking fella before you. Yes, he's kind of funny-looking and losing his mind down by the lake, but he won't have far to go to give you more trouble than you bargained for. And hopefully, that was an easy reference too. So the Spriggan spins, or jumps in quick! Scratch, scratch, scratch! Seems fairly harmless, til it pulls out its party trick. And no I don't mean making animal balloons or producing a very bewildered rabbit from a hat. Shall I spoil the surprise?

No, I shall not, but rest assured, a Spriggan can make a BIG impression, and you will GROW to be very wary of them, down in Midwood.

Title:Beasts of the North - by Matthew Hobkins

ID:124

Beyond The Circle, a traveller may enter the north of Quill. Pinehaven awaits, and the northern mountains with their caves and lairs. To the west, Deepstone and Undermere, and the warren of underground chambers and cloying subterranean forests. Huge beasts dwell in such places...from the powerful and muscular Buggane of legend to the fearsome Dragon on the far north. No person, living or dead, has ever dared find these noble but deadly creatures. The Buggane is shy and secretive, and leaves no trail, despite its intimidating presence. The Dragon sleeps lazily in its deep lair, and not even I would think to try to enter those steaming caverns and wrest some Dragon poop from the untold mounds of it that the Dragon sits on.

Who needs gold when fertiliser prices are through the roof? Am I right?

Title:The Wright Stuff - by Laura Biden

ID:125

During the fairly short war with the Fae, it was looking bad for humanity. They had been stripped of all weapons and a will to fight, after nearly destroying themselves (again). The Fae ran rampant and mankind was shocked by this new foe. Three people stood forward to try to stem the tables and turn the tide. They were...The Healer, The Merchant and The Wright. It was The Wright who was strongest; a ferocious woman who forged weapons of wonder. Her arms were like a sock full of grapefruits and she worked tirelessly at her forge. Ultimately, it was for nought, as Aurore struck her with lightning, which isn't fun if you are carrying a lot of metal. She was respected by the Fae, though, and her spirit was given the honour of being a Guardian for the door to Opal.

Some may call it an honour, at least, but to be eternally protecting those who defeated you, and not get time off at Samhain or at least time and a half, is a bit dubious if you ask me.

Title:The Healing Hand - by Laura Biden

ID:126

During the fairly short war with the Fae, it was looking bad for humanity. They had been stripped of all weapons and a will to fight, after nearly destroying themselves (again). The Fae ran rampant and mankind was shocked by this new foe. Three people stood forward to try to stem the tables and turn the tide. They were...The Healer, The Merchant and The Wright. It was The Healer who mended the wounded, but who also repaired the world around him. His loving touch infused with the power of regeneration. Sadly, he was slain by Morwenna herself, adorned in armour made from the stars, the light of which blinded The Healer. In respect of The Healer, who actually didn't even lift a finger in anger, the Goddesses blessed him with the task of Guardianship.

That is one twisted way to get rid of your guilt of running through a blind, unarmed old man.

Title:Wheeler Dealer - by Laura Biden

ID:127

During the fairly short war with the Fae, it was looking bad for humanity. They had been stripped of all weapons and a will to fight, after nearly destroying themselves (again). The Fae ran rampant and mankind was shocked by this new foe. Three people stood forward to try to stem the tables and turn the tide. They were...The Healer, The Merchant and The Wright. It was the Merchant who ensured those who wanted to fight the Fae had what they needed. He set up safe routes and used subterfuge to smuggle goods and weapons to places where they were needed most. He was finally undone when he fell asleep in his wagon and it rolled down a hill into a nest of Nymphs.

It was The Merchant who was now stung.

Title:Ancient Calamities & Other Love Poems - by Era Duckworth

ID:128

Long before the war with the Fae and The Agreement, mankind had drunkenly veered its way to its own destruction. Tales passed down tell of a group of 7 beautiful humans, who sang catchy songs and whose dancing entranced billions. They were pure dynamite and gave those that worshipped them, a great euphoria. More was yet to come. Through their own blood, sweat and tears they ascended to the very top. They told people to love yourself, and become idols. This group of superstars shone brightly and became leaders of the world; a world shattered by years of corruption, war, climate crisis, reality tv and NFT's.

Unfortunately, as pure-hearted as these men were, it counted against them, as dancing brilliantly doesn't stop meteors.

Title:Dress for Success - by Dandy Leon

ID:129

Hey good lookin'! Whatcha got cookin'? Seriously though, man, what is it? I am famished. Oh! You want to get some tips on how to be a business superstar? Well, baby, it's all in the threads! Ditch that grey and say wahey to some colour on your chemise. Just visit me in Greymarket, when the actual market is open, and I will introduce your tripe trousers to a veritable rainbow of shades and hues that will make your eyes explode with chromatic joy.

Oh, and bring a lot of dandelions baby! I don't take cash, just fluff!

Title:The Mirryr Cracked - by Rhea Flecktion

ID:130

A silence. A deafening silence. The Mirryr rises, light spilling upwards in spindly, clawing streams. Eyes look expectantly into the silvery glass but see an endless void. Infinity staring back with the noiseless screams of the endless stars. Then, the shadows twist and contort. A shape forms from the inky blackness. You see yourself, but it is not you. The being before you is somehow taller, stronger, smoother of skin and brighter of eye. Pinpricks of light form around the image, and you hear the whispers of discussion, far away and vague, but your heart freezes at the very sound. There is a warming light and your body is filled with the electricity of the cosmos, for what seems like an eternity but is mere seconds. And then the sensation is gone. For those moments your soul was elevated and the blood in your body fizzed with the energy of the sun. You are now a Master. The Mirryr slides away, unbroken. You are not the chosen one this day, destined to pass through the Mirryr to Opal, but you came close, and now you are blessed.

You leave the dark chamber and look into the night sky, and see infinity looking back at you, watching you, one of their children.

Title:The Mellowfields Visitors Guide - by Bry Billson

ID:131

"Well, butter my cheeks and toast my hairpiece!" were the first words uttered to me when I first stepped into Cunning Plots. The house there at the time was owned by a Mr Boggins, and he was not more than 5 feet tall, or 10 half-feet, if you use the old measurements, or 20 toes if you go even further back to when times and people were simpler. "Good day sir!" I called out cheerily. It was obvious he had recognised me. My portrait is sketched onto the back cover of all my travel guides. "Have you come to tour our humble Haven?" he asked, cheeks as red as the cabbages he grew. "Why yes sir, I have" I replied. It was at this point I realised I had wasted a lot of words on this small but worthless anecdote. So, to sum up... Mellowfields. Short people, gorgeous gardens, massive turnips and peacocks.

9/10 would engage in idle chitchat again.

Title:The Summerdown Visitors Guide - Bry Billson

ID:132

Poppies, frisky folk, Chemist man who likes to smoke, Rude statues, bakeries, weddings in the woods.

Randy lovers, cooking tests, secret hidden family chests, Orphanage, massive heads, Ranger by her tent.

Parties, poops, lots of drink, so much noise that you can't think, Windy day, blown away, what more do I have to say?!

I think Herbie Weed started the fire by the way.

Title:Obscura & Curiouser - by Anne Teak

ID:133

Welcome to Anne Teak's roadshow. In this issue, we examine a rather incredible artefact owned by a Mr Twig of Dreamers Nook. This remarkable lantern is definitely of unknown origin but is neither manmade nor Fae. The etchings have a kind of otherworldly quality, as though handcrafted by a race of technologically superior beings. There are four spaces for what I could only presume are glass lenses, and it is what they might bring to the party that fascinates. Historically, and in legends, such lanterns were keys to secret doorways. Value? Well, it is in fine condition, but without the lenses, its value is the same as any old tin lantern one might procure from a wandering trader. With the lenses and in working condition, then it is priceless.

Next time I will be looking at some old rusted tat and a pair of arcane socks that once belonged to my ex-husband.

Title:Uncle Bill's Letter

ID:134

If you are reading this, then you have returned and I am gone back into the cycle of nature. I prayed to the Goddesses every day for your safe return. Your sibling looked after the farm well, but I could sense I was holding them back. Your strange friend, Twig, told me you would return, but could not tell me where you had gone. That gave me hope you would come home. If you are reading this, then know that I am very proud of you. I just have a feeling you will become an extraordinary person one day. I actually used to dream you owned a business...many in fact. How I would love those dreams to be a reality. You would be a great success, I am certain.

Perhaps we will meet again one day, as I run around your garden or flutter past your window at night, looking for the light.

With love, William Stone

Title:Age Is Just A High Number - by Han Zimmerframe

ID:135

Growing old is often seen as a negative thing in society, especially by the youth of today. Sure, when you reach adulthood, your stats go up, and from the age of 40, they start to drop slowly. "Life begins at 40" is such an aware saying. Life does begin. Gone are the stresses of having to worry about what people think of you. You gain an amazing insight into how the world works and the ability to tell everyone at the earliest opportunity. Your legbones, calcified, are perfectly made to stand in queues for hours. You can wear winter clothing in summer and thus get more value. Soup tastes 100 times better. An appreciation grows for soft toilet roll and large writing. So you see, while your stats may start to wither, a bit like your virility, there are so many more things to enjoy and look forward to. Being old physically does not mean your mind has to grow old too.

Play games, enjoy the world, love each other...and then happily complain about them.

Title:Mag the Moghog - by Jacob Crackle

ID:136

I was eating a Rainbow Mushroom and decided to take a walk to clear away the hallucinations. I was up by the old rock columns in the Burial Grounds when a storm broke. It must have been around 3 in the morning. As the lightning flashed, I saw it. Mag the Moghog. Everyone knows the legend of Mag, but nobody has seen it before. Not quite sure how it exists then and is written about, but whatever.

If you do see it, then be quiet. It ran away when I screamed excitedly.

Title:Little Things with Little Wings - by B.Catcher & A.Jarr

ID:137

Quill is a world of beauty and colour. Nothing is more colourful than the fluttering insects that populate our fair land. And what better way to honour their colour, than to capture them in a jar for your own personal collection. There are 5 types of flying insects that the dedicated enthusiast can procure for their pleasure. They are... Bees Moths Butterflies Wisps Fireflies

Each type has their own time of appearance and location, and different varieties within their species with their own quirks. To this end, Bees are mainly a day creature, but the Heebie Gee Bee only appears in the morning, for example. Butterflies are also a day creature; whereas Moths, Fireflies and Wisps are night dwellers. Be sure to check each haven and even places beyond to collect the variants. If you want to complete your set, you best get your walking boots on!

Now grab your jars and get going!

Title:One Page Adventure - by Jode Heaver

ID:138

1 - You are standing in a small dungeon room. There is a large wooden door infront of you. Do you... Open the door - go to 3 Don't open the door - go to 2

2 - You sit on the floor and eventually die of hunger. You are dead.

3 - The door creaks open and you see a crowd of cheering people. You step into the light and are showered with petals from the adoring throng.

You have escaped the dungeon room. Victory is yours.

Title:Jacob's Letter

ID:139

Dear Friend

I hope you will accept this little bag of money to help you with your future. I may have no need of it soon, although I will be honest with you, I hope my kindness will be returned in kind.

Please keep this to yourself, but I am scared of what is to come.

I need a friend at a time like this and you I hope, are that friend.

Regards,

Jacob